


fall from grace

by Alien_Humanologist



Category: HLVRAI - Fandom, Half-Life but the AI are Self Aware
Genre: Alternate Universe - Religious, M/M, Other, Religious Conflict, Religious Content, Religious Guilt, Religious Imagery & Symbolism, SLOWER THAN MOLASSES DRIPS OFF A SPOON, Slow Burn, this has references to paradise lost or rather it will in the future
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-11
Updated: 2020-11-11
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:53:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27514135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alien_Humanologist/pseuds/Alien_Humanologist
Summary: Gordon is a priest in this au, following the storyline of demons, angels, Lucifer, reincarnation and so much more. Buckle up because it's gonna be a wild rideIf you want to find out anything else about the story you'll just have to read it ;)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 11





	fall from grace

Gordon had been raised from his early youth with faith as a top priority. His church was the closest thing to home that he’d ever known. Every morning he’d tend to the church, attend mass and all that was required for the Holy Lord to view him as a pure being. This world was full of sin after all. 

Gordon Freeman had been taken in by the church at a young age, he doesn’t remember anybody or anything else before the church. It was his savior. Father Gregory had taken him in and raised him alongside his son Tommy in the monastery. He’d never known his birth parents and he didn’t care to know them either. The church was all that mattered, his brothers here at the monastery was all that mattered. Serving the Lord was all that mattered. The only thing he was aware of is that he was abandoned by his parents who are sinners and taken in by the sanctity of the monastery. 

Years of being here was something that made Gordon’s head spin. All the people he’d known had come and gone but one thing is for sure, and that was Tommy, Darnold, and a few other specifics who attended the church faithfully. Since Father Gregory had left the church it was up to him, Tommy, and Darnold, with himself taking the lead as the priest and the rest as ministers of the church. It was hard work coming up with speeches that would reach everybody but in the end, Gordon always held his faith close to him like a vice. It was all he could do to cling to sanity these days. 

These days there have been a specific crowd of churchgoers that caught his eye. The first being someone named Benry. They said they were long time attenders but Gordon didn’t recognize that face as being one that he’d seen for a very long time. Alongside them, there were two older citizens that seemed to bicker when they thought he wasn’t looking. The first, who he’d come to know as Harold Coomer was a stout and short man with emerald green eyes, much like his own, and a white bristly mustache.

The second, he’d hear Coomer calling “Bubby”. Although he was sure that couldn’t be someone’s real name, that’s the only thing he’d ever hear the peculiar man be called. Bubby was Coomer’s exact opposite, he wore a blue turtleneck, glasses, and Gordon is sure that the times that he’d smiled, he had a flash of sharp teeth. That specific memory never failed to give Gordon the heebie-jeebies. He wasn’t so sure about that Benry figure though. 

He’d always seen Benry in the back or trying to mingle in the center of the church aisles where they wouldn’t get noticed but there was something about their eyes that was just so peculiar. They certainly weren’t human-like. Another thing about them was that they always had a hat on. Gordon had seen and talked to a lot of followers that wore hats because of sensory issues or just because they liked how hats looked at the church he led so he wasn’t too surprised, he just assumed that Benry has sensory issues like some of the other members because of how he constantly wore the same hat, and he could respect that. However, there was just something peculiar that attracted his eyes to Benry whenever he caught a glimpse of those alien eyes. 

Today was another day of spreading the gospel to the hearts of the devotees, but the day wasn’t over yet. After his sermons, he always stayed late to answer any questions that people had in mind, to give a few words of cheer, or just to listen, listening in the confession booth, of course. He let down his hair from its tightly put up confines and sighed, waiting for people to come and go from their confessions, when he heard the familiar yet still peculiar voices of Bubby, Coomer and… Benry? 

Benry didn’t frequently talk to them inside the church so Gordon was awestruck to hear them murmuring about something within the confines of it. 

“-Yeah but what are we gonna do about him?”

“The reincarnation can’t be easily persuaded! You’ve heard the things he says.” 

_ Reincarnation? Like… Jesus? What on Earth are they talking about?  _ Gordon didn’t say anything from within his confession stand but he continued to listen, he knew eavesdropping was wrong, but he had to listen to whatever they were saying, it seemed important. 

Their discussion about whatever it was they were talking about seemed more rushed and vehement by the second. 

__

Suddenly Tommy interrupted their conversation, “For the last time! Can you guys please leave?” Tommy sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. His dog, Sunkist, followed behind, growling softly, baring her teeth at them. Now that was strange! Sunkist was nice and patient to everyone, why was she being so mean now?

“L-O-L, why though? We’re just hanging out, calm down Tommy.” Benry grinned stretching from where he was standing, Gordon was by no means caught up with all the slang but he was sure you weren’t supposed to pronounce every individual letter of the acronym… 

“Yeah but you’re ‘hanging out’ in _ the  _ _ church _ _! _ ” Tommy’s brow went from angry to more concerned. 

Darnold tried to back Tommy up in what he was saying but he was more focused on avoiding the group. Gordon was more used to Darnold being happy and conversing with the patrons, but now he was eerily quiet and had his mouth framed in what looked like a permanent frown like he was afraid. This was getting too weird; Gordon had to have a say in the matter. 

He pushed the door open from his box and all eyes were on him, looking surprised that he was there. Weird because the confession box is usually where he was after people started leaving from the silence permeating after his sermons. Not out of the ordinary at all! 

“O-oh hi! Brother Gordon!” Tommy had a worried smile on his face and he walked towards Gordon after speaking. 

  
  


“We didn’t see you there!” the taller man prattled, fiddling with his fists as he babbled on 

  
  
  


Gordon looked at Tommy and offered him a slightly worried slightly confused face. Tommy fidgeted and sort of dug the toe of his shoe into the slightly creaky wooden floors of the church. 

“I know, I can...Sort of tell from your expressions. .” He looked at the others standing there but glanced back at Tommy. 

“Why….” he paused, “are you so mad at these people? We should treat all these people with respect, guys!” He frowned at their abrupt silence, clenching and unclenching his fist to get a grip on himself. 

“We’re not mad!” Tommy said, he gave Darnold a look that said _ ‘hey help me out here!’ _

Darnold stammered looking for something to say, “Y-yeah we’re just helping them out, they were looking a bit lost...” 

Gordon sighed and rolled his eyes, crossing his arms as he did so. He knew something was up with whatever it was the group was talking about but he didn’t expect Tommy or Darnold to flat out lie to him. 

“You’re right, Father Freeman, these guys are being soooo mean to us!” Benry whined.

“Just… What’s going on?” 

Once again, an awkward silence permeated the air. Gordon decided to move on to a different topic of discussion but they all eventually left the church grounds to the outside air. A sour-sweet taste invaded the skies. He guessed whatever it was they were talking about had left their minds after he joined them. 

Tommy and Darnold assured him it was nothing and they all went in their separate ways, with Benry giving Gordon one last glance before turning around and striding off. This was a really weird day in Gordon’s books. 

Later that night Gordon just couldn’t get his mind of that weird occurrence. Usually, Tommy and Darnold were paragons to the patrons, what scared ‘em off about these guys? Gordon closed his eyes and tried to sleep. 

  
  
  
  


“Wake up, reincarnation.”

Gordon heard an echo through his ears bouncing off the walls in his skull until he jolted awake in his spot. Except, he wasn’t in his bed.

In place of his bed was a bright fiery hellscape, one with which he’d only seen in his worst nightmares, but this time it felt far more real. Beads of sweat formed on Gordon’s brow as he took in his surroundings, him, still in his pajamas. 

“Where...Where am I?” 

“You are in the abode of my damned, my guy.” A voice came out of nowhere, seeming to blur into a visage of a person… Or rather, a demonic-looking creature.

Gordon’s eyes widened, his chest burning with the fiercest anxiety he’d ever felt. The last part of what they even said was blurred out of his mind. The demon became more clear in his vision and he could see its bright right red eyes, with pupils dilated to that of a cat’s. It had huge leathery wings, a long messy rat’s nest of raven black hair, and large horns protruding out of its head.

“Haha, catboy Benry in the chat. Pog.” The entity claiming to be Benry gravitated upside down, making its- 

“I go by he/him bro… I’m not an ‘it’” …Making _his_ Cheshire Cat smile seem like an ever-expanding frown. 

“Poggers, hey Father Freeman. You don’t belong here.”

“Huh?” Gordon blinked back into the consciousness of the situation

The more he focused on the demon the more he realized that the creature actually did resemble Benry. This demon  _ thing  _ had the same black hair that he was sure he’d seen slip out of his hat once or twice inside the church. He’d never looked too closely at his eyes but he was sure they were a normal color like the rest of the people there, and he didn’t have wings. Obviously.

“You. You’re not Benry.” Gordon paused, trying to look for something else to say, but his mind was a dry desert. “...A-Are you…?” He pushed his glasses up to his eyes trying once more to get a better visual of the face before him. 

“YOOOO! WHAT’S UP!” the demon said. 

Guess that answered Gordon’s question.

“You’re… Benry?” Gordon asked once more as cold sweat dripped down his face.

“Yup… Well… ” the demon stopped to think, “Almost.” Demon Benry paused once more before looking up at Gordon.

There was a deafening silence between them for what felt like an eternity, just the melancholy sound of breathing and the crackles of fire from the red abyss surrounding them, until the demonic Benry spoke again, in a much deeper and rumbling voice, 

“ **_Look out_ ** .” 

The demon version of Benry expanded into the vast expanse of the hellscape, with thousands of tiny little demons the size of ants now crawling over Gordon’s body. 

The tiny little demons seemed to get stronger and faster, covering every inch of Gordon’s body. He was suffocating, he couldn’t breathe. They were crawling in his nose, his mouth, his eyes. He felt as if he was about to vomit. All he could feel were these little ant demons in his being, in his  _ soul.  _ They crawled faster and their little footprints started burning him like thousands of red-hot toothpicks being pushed against his skin.

The crowd of Lilliputian demons bunched up at the joints of Gordon’s arm, as if they were fascinated with the notion of tearing him apart, assuredly terrifying Gordon at the thought that this sick idea was exactly what these hellions wanted to do. 

All of a sudden he felt a burning tear in his arms, he tried to swat away at the bug-like creatures but then he let out a throat-ripping scream. He could feel the tendons in his elbow socket tear out of place. These little demons were trying to rip him apart! Hot tears were flushing away the red demons from his eyes and finally, he felt a breath of air. 

“GAH-!” Gordon woke up in his bed, breathing so hard it made his chest ache. Everything around him was dizzy and his throat felt like sandpaper. But his arm hurt the worst of all. He rubbed his eyes and wiped the, now drenching, sweat off his brow. He needed to take a cold shower; he couldn’t bear to feel another warm sensation on his skin. 

After disrobing and entering the shower, Gordon rubbed at his arm, feeling strangely sore near the crook of his elbow. The pelting beats of cold water were the most soothing thing he felt all night, the nightmare feeling like a 24-hour shift, and he let out a deep sigh. He wondered what could have provoked such a terrifying dream. He was exhausted beyond belief. 

Staring at his hands, Gordon clenched his left fist, feeling a fading sensation. It still stung, but there was no way that this dream could have had any real effects on him. He must be imagining it. He sighed again and went to sit alone in his kitchen and annotate his pocket Bible, looking for some sort of assistance from God. That’s what he needed in order to feel at ease. 

Gordon stretched, and his bones popping should have sounded disgusting after such an abhorrent dream, but it was the same amount of comforting that it always was. He padded barefoot to the chapel and looked at the large Grecian-style statues and beautiful stained glass. The moon reflecting inside the small area was so beautiful, like a sign that Gordon was doing the right thing by being there. But he was in his pajamas and he certainly felt guilty. A chapel was a sacred place and he should be dressed in his Sunday best instead of looking straight out of bed (which he was, but he shouldn’t look like it). The more he thought about the inclination of God looking down on him in his pathetic sweatpants, t-shirt and plaid robe, the more bent on changing into his usual sunday best he felt. 

Off to a different place. Again. Since he’s already feeling comforted by the chapel he should at least do it a favor and dress a little nicer to have a crisis in it…

Across the hall, Tommy walked. A little slowly, and looking a little sad while walking… Seemingly nowhere in particular. 

“Hey there Tommy, you ok, bud?” 

“Huh? Oh! Yes!” Tommy smiled, clasping his hands together. His eyes still looked sad, though. 

Gordon wondered what in the hell could be going on tonight to make one of the most cheerful people he knew look sad. Ever since they were kids, Tommy would be the one to cheer Gordon up whenever he had nightmares or just went into one of his moods. He felt that he owed Tommy a favor after all these years. 

“Hey Tommy, what’s wrong bud?”

Tommy looked up at him smiling faintly yet again, “It’s- it’s nothing, Gordon, I’m fine!”

Gordon pursed his lips together tightly and let his eyes move to the side of Tommy and back again. 

“R-really! I’m fine! I’m just a little bummed out about what happened in the church.” he offered, twiddling his thumbs together nervously.

Gordon accepted that response with unease and sighed, rubbing his arm uncomfortably, “Yeah, I know what you mean, man… I had a weird dream and I just can’t stop thinking about it...” 

Tommy’s eyebrows lifted in interest, his golden irises shining in the moonlight, 

“Well...It always helps to share your thoughts when they’re buzzing around you like mosquitos on a hot southern afternoon!” Now it was Gordon’s turn to be hesitant. Should he really share his hell dream with another member of the church? Would that influence Tommy to backtalk him until he was excommunicated? Although he knew that Tommy would never do such a thing, he couldn’t help worry. He didn’t want to end up in a situation with himself as Abel and Tommy as the vengeful Cain. 

Gordon looked back up at the ever-patient Tommy, and he let out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding. He guessed it wouldn’t hurt to tell Tommy about the main vague remembrance of that nightmare, disregarding some of the finer details…After all, lying to those close to you is a sin. 

….. 

“...Wow, Gordon…That’s… Something else… ” 

“Yeah, no kidding.” Gordon rubbed the back of his neck in slight discomfort, eyes peering at the floor in an attempt to calm his nerves. 

Tommy’s eyes seemed sharper at the mention of demons, which made Gordon uncomfortable, but he figured that was just the protective side of Tommy peeking out of its holy confines. One thing was certain, and that’s the fact that church was bound to be interesting in the morning. Hopefully, Benry wouldn’t try to engage too much in the next morning’s sermon... 

……

The next morning, Gordon hardly felt like his usual self. He felt heavy bags weighing down on his eyelids and his brain felt fuzzy as if it was full of cotton- cotton that was trying to satiate the bleeding wound of the dream he had. He wondered if he should stop thinking of it as a dream, because if anything it was a nightmare, although, if he called it a dream it would seem less vivid and violent than it was. 

During his sermon he could feel a cold sweat prickle the back of his neck, sticking to his barely contained ponytail of wild curls. His eyebrows were knitted together while saying his usual spiel. His mind was on sin, and the sweltering heat from his hellish nightmare but regardless, his mouth flowed with words of God and belief. His eyes were on Benry; every time he tried to glance somewhere else he got the gnawing feeling at the back of his mind that something was wrong, or that he had to keep his eyes on Benry or he might do something evil. Even though that would be impossible. Right? 

Benry remained in his seat looking bored, sometimes looking at the surroundings of the church even though he’s been there several times before. Like he was out of place. He looked… strangely peaceful in his seat, with the light shining through the stained glass coloring him. Gordon could almost make out the color of his eyes from the podium where he was speaking. Gordon didn’t even know what he was saying anymore, he paused his words where they stood and let them stay in the air like a thick fog. The church crowd patiently waited for his next words including Benry, Bubby, and Coomer. He caught the eye of Benry and they were staring at each other until Gordon glanced elsewhere at Tommy. Tommy did a gesture that said  _ c’mon keep going!  _ So he did. He ended as he always did, happy and hopeful, with words that inspired his crowd. 

Everyone left the church as he finished and few people stayed behind to ask questions about his sermon as usual. But this time, Gordon just couldn’t shake his mind from Benry and the bizarre version of him he saw in his nightmare. 

He stared at Benry once more, watching as the sickly pale man with scruffs of facial hair traced his thick fingers along the rim of the porcelain basin of holy water. The water tinged his skin red as if there were blisters stinging him but he held the same expression of indifference. Gordon rubbed his eyes to see if he saw that right, and he figures he must still be exhausted because Benry’s fingers were still the same pallid color they were. He could overhear Bubby saying “Benry what the hell are you doing?” and Coomer scolding him with a “Bubby my dearest, we can’t say that word! We’re in a church!” 

“Yeah watch your fuckin’ language dude, this is a holy place of worship.” Benry grinned, revealing some oddly shaped yellowish teeth. 

Gordon covered up the slight chuckle he felt bubbling up with a cough, hiding his mouth behind his fist. The group turned to leave, but somehow he felt the presence of Benry was still there. Freakishly weird. 

Regardless, he stayed behind in the church. Maybe he could talk to Tommy about that… Or would he think he’s a freak for thinking that there was a strange energy about someone that always went to their church faithfully? That was going to stew in Gordon’s mind. Hopefully, that wouldn’t clog his mind; he had sermons to write and prayers to perform. 

Maybe Darnold...? Ugh… No… Darnold would get worried and hold a group prayer session to make his mind clear of any possible sin that was planting its seed in Gordon’s head. One thing was for sure, and that was the fact that he definitely didn’t want to deal with this on his own. 

Without anything else to do, Gordon sighed and headed to the church library, hoping to find something regarding what he was dealing with. Maybe some other priest or biblical figure had dealt with demonic dreams about some begrudgingly handsome church attendee. Hopefully reading something about God would settle the ever staying feeling of itchy little demons crawling up his skin. 

  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> hello, i know this is the first chapter but fanart and comments are greatly appreciated


End file.
